Runaway Days

My step-mom has a huge heart. She should have divorced my dad long before he was helped to divorce her. No matter how hard things were at our house with dads drinking she never left us kids. She could have. She eventually left when my youngest half brother Josh was in High School. She and Josh packed up and moved to Shelbyville, Tennessee where my step-mom had grown up. Her mother was there and my step-brother, Tim. With all that said I still am not sure why my adopted brother drove dad all the way down to Tennessee and left dad on her doorstep. Maybe it was because he knew she would take care of him. I never asked him.

My half brother Josh and mom found a sort of group home for dad. There happened to be a huge house there in Shelbyville full of veterans. Each one had their own room and an older lady took care of all of them. The military paid for his room and board and food. Not a bad set up. Especially when I look back and remember him telling me time and time again, "When I get to where I can't take care of myself just put me in the Veterans hospital and let them take care of me." There was one problem. He kept walking out the door saying he was going home to Kentucky. He would just walk out the door and keep walking and mom and Josh would get a call to come retrieve him. Not a good setup after all. Not with someone with Alzheimers/Dementia.
It was clear a new game plan was needed. But what. Josh had a wife and together they decided they would get a home big enough for dad and he would live with them. They did that. They got a beautiful home big enough for Josh, his wife, their baby and dad. It was perfect. Dad loved living in the country. They lived in the country. Dad liked to smoke. They let him smoke in the beginning. Dad liked to drink............OF COURSE THEY DIDN'T LET HIM DRINK......Silly you for thinking that! Two more babies followed. Dad started wearing diapers somewhere during that time. Josh and his wife ended up with 3 small babies of their own and an adult baby in diapers and all at the same time! One problem still kept cropping up. Dad would say he was going home to Kentucky and walk out the door. He would walk out the door when no they weren't looking. And man he could move fast when he wanted to. But never fast enough.

Once when they were up here in Indiana visiting dad threw one of his fits outside in my yard. He didn't want to take his pills Josh was trying to give him. He said Josh was trying to kill him. He took off across the yard and almost walked into the street. Of course Josh was there trying to stop him and get him to listen to reason. Dementia rearing its ugly head. It was hard to see Josh and Dad having this struggle. I actually told Josh he needed to put dad in a home. That Dad had done this to himself and if Josh kept him, this stress would destroy his marriage. My anger was still there.

A year or two later Josh and his wife divorced. I got a call from Josh. "I can't take care of dad anymore, he's going to have to go to a nursing home." Dad had been in the hospital several times that year with pneumonia. Josh said he didn't think he would live very much longer and that he was not doing well. I told him I wasn't sure if I was ready to put him in a nursing home but that I would call him back. Somewhere in that time since I had told him to put him in a nursing home and when that call came I had changed a bit. I had helped a good friend who went into a nursing home because of a promise I made to her dying husband. She passed away pretty much in my arms. I had been at the nursing home that year just about every single day making sure she was taken care of since she had no local family. So it was clear to me later that if my father went into a nursing home I would be there about every day. Not a good situation when you have children at home and a husband. Just the time I had spent with Leona at the nursing home put a great strain on me and my family.

After much discussion Kenny and I decided I would bring my father into our home. This would allow me to care for him for as long as I could and take care of my family. I did end up quitting my job. I must say that without my loving, patient husband I would never have been able to do this. To him I say thank you, thank you, thank you.

I met my brothers half way between here in Evansville, Indiana and Shelbyville, Tennessee to pick up my father. The man that had given Josh fits at my home not so long ago was no longer there. The man I brought home laid in bed all day, didn't hardly communicate at all, and was shy some medications he had been prescribed. He did seem to be on his way to heaven. In no time though everything changed.

Stay tuned.......................